Saturday, September 15, 2012

These Guys Suck


I have carried one pretty simple philosophy through life, or at least the sporting portion of it: Complaining about officiating is for losers.

It’s one reason I generally can’t take more than a few minutes of a post-game radio show. Because this guy is inevitably going to call:

“Yeah, the Bills lost 67-4. But if the ref would have called it when Cromartie mugged Johnson on that third down in the first quarter, they would have had momentum. Woulda been a whole different game.”

No one does this better than Bills fans. When I worked at Niagara Gazette, you could be sure that, win or lose, moments after a Bills game ended (and quite often several times during), the phone would ring and at the other end, a faithful reader on a first-name basis with every member of the sports department would start ranting about one of two things: A flagrant example of pass interference committed by an opposing defender which had been missed by an obviously corrupt official; or a blatant scapegoating of a member of Buffalo’s defense, also by an obviously corrupt official.

A team that deserves to win almost never puts itself in a position to get beaten by a blown call. There are rare exceptions, like the interference call in the end zone at the end of New England’s 1998 comeback win over the visiting Bills (which will be discussed at length at a later date).

One non-exception – Home Run Throwback. I was sitting in the press box, nursing a nuclear toothache near the 45-yard line on the end of the field where the most gruesome single play in Bills history unfolded.



After Steve Christie’s field goal gave Buffalo a 16-15 lead, I stood up and put my notebook and tape (!) recorder in my blazer pocket, joked with Buffalo News beat reporter Al Wilson about whether we’d be headed for Jacksonville or Indianapolis for the next round of the playoffs (with the sort of forced cynicism required to make a pretty cool job sound like working in the sewer), and started composing leads in my head hailing Rob Johnson’s heroism in bringing his team back in an incredibly hostile environment.

I looked at the field in time to see Lorenzo Neal field Christie’s short, high kick, then turn and hand it to Frank Wycheck.

“Isn’t that adorable?” I thought. “They’re going to let him throw it.”

When Kevin Dyson caught Wycheck’s heave and headed upfield, all alone, there was little reaction amongst the media. The mumbled consensus was that it had been a forward pass. No one said much of anything other than, “It’s coming back” until Dyson reached the end zone. And the nearest official threw up his hands.

Then all hell broke loose, on the field, in the stands and in the press box.

I probably watched the replay at least 50 times that afternoon, as we crowded around the elevated televisions, dissecting Dyson’s 75-yard jaunt like the Zapruder film. I have seen it at least as many times since.

And I still cannot say with absolute certainty whether it was a forward pass or a lateral.

The other image that stuck with me from that afternoon was watching Buffalo’s entire coverage team angle to the center of the field, all planning on jumping on the pile that would, of course, form on top of whoever caught Christie’s kick. And then watching them chasing Dyson desperately, most at least 20 or 30 yards behind him.

If those guys had simply stayed anywhere near their assigned coverage lanes, it would not have mattered whether Wycheck’s throw was legal. At the least, Dyson wouldn’t have made it past his own 40, if he had even been able to catch the ball with a Bills defender arriving at full speed simultaneously with the ball.

All that said, the scab referees the National Football League has foisted on the 2012 season were putrid during the preseason and, maybe because there was real football being played, even worse in Week 1.

Not to hurt their self-esteem or cause body-image issues or anything, but it can’t help that so many of these guys appear mildly to woefully out of shape. For all their other flaws, the regular officials tend to be pretty fit and trim. Or, in the case of Ed “Two Guns” Hochuli, ready to kick the living crap out of you and everyone you know.

Several of the scab officials, though, sport boilers that are unflatteringly highlighted by the striping of their scab-official uniforms. That could be part of the reason that, when New York’s Shonn Greene fumbled, it seemed like at least five seconds before any black-and-white shirt got to the pile of red, blue, green and white.

Deadspin.com compiled 21 of the most egregious mistakes madeby the scabs last weekend. Though the Bills-Jets game is not included in the package, the officiating in New Jersey made news when Mario Williams excused his absenteeism from New York’s backfield by claiming Jets tackle Austin Howard spent the afternoon alternately attempting to pick the defensive end’s nose and inspect his teeth.

Even if Williams’ complaint is valid, it would seem that the most prominent defensive free-agent signee in recent memory could have still found a way around a second-year, second-string tackle making his second NFL start a few times, at least.

Sunday against Kansas City, Remarkably Average Mario gets a chance to start earning that big payday. It’s either that, or continue complaining about the officials.

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