Bills ... Win?

It was early in overtime Sunday evening when the Buffalo Bills made me do something I have never done before in more than 35 years of watching the team, and more than 20 years of writing about it – willingly get up and walk away with the outcome still in doubt.

After listening to most of their rather unattractive contest with the Arizona Cardinals on the radio while cleaning the garage and otherwise winterizing, I’d settled in to watch the last five minutes of regulation with my 6-year-old. Buffalo had the ball and the lead. A couple of first downs had all but put the game away, so I said something that ignored most of Bills history.

“The Bills are going to win,” I confidingly told Oscar, “unless they do something really, really stupid.”

Just then, Brad Smith lined up behind center in Buffalo’s notoriously impotent Wildcat formation, faked a handoff and threw the ball. Deep.

That did not go well, to say the least. But even a pair of absurd decisions – by whichever coach made the decision to put the wide receiver/kick returner in such a position and by Smith to indulge his inner quarterback, resulting in a game-turning interception – was not enough to drive me away.

Nor was the 61-yard field goal by Arizona’s Jay Feely to tie the game at 16, or Gailey’s decision to play for a tie, rather than try to get into position to win it after getting the ball back with 1:09 remaining.

No, all those bits of bad luck and even worse decision-making became routine some time ago. Right around the time Travis Henry floated a halfback option to Miami’s Patrick Surtain way back in 2003. 

We had a little campfire going outside, ready for perhaps the final marshmallow-roasting (or, the way we do it, marshmallow-flaming) of the year. Oscar and his older brother, Jackson, had the good taste to be more interested in that then what was going on in Arizona.

“Watch the game -- I’ll take them out,” Josselyn offered, noting the approach of school-night bedtime.

“Let me see what they do on this first series,” I said. “Then I’ll go either way.”

What they did was move from their own 20-yard line, via short pass, defensive penalty and darting 17-yard run by C.J. Spiller, to a first-and-10 at Arizona’s 35-yard line. Buffalo had run more effectively as the game wore on and Spiller had accounted for four of its 10 longest plays, three of them runs.

So it almost goes without saying that the Bills, finding themselves about 5 yards away from Rian Lindell’s realistic field-goal range, called on Ryan Fitzpatrick -- who was having a day that could best be described as erratic, yet turnover-free -- to throw on three straight plays. None of which involved Spiller.

Faced with 4^th-and-10 on the outer limit of field-goal possibility, Gailey was seemingly faced with two choices.

He could trot out Lindell or kickoff specialist John Potter, who routinely launches the ball 70 yards or more off the tee but has yet to try his first NFL field goal. A miss would have given Arizona the ball at its own 42-yard line, 15 yards away from where Feely made his game-tying kick a few minutes earlier.

Or he could give Fitzpatrick another shot to pick up 10 yards. An incompletion would turn it over to Arizona at the 35.

Somehow, though, Gailey came up with option “C.”

The appeal of possibly pinning backup quarterback John Skelton, who came in late in the fourth quarter after Kevin Kolb was shaken up trying to escape Buffalo’s resurgent pass rush, was certainly understandable.

But the same defense that had sidelined Kolb and compiled a season-high five sacks had also yielded more than 100 yards to a collection of last-string running backs, as well as allowing the spectacular Larry Fitzgerald to roam free in the secondary on a pair of plays late in the fourth quarter, one of which kept Arizona alive and the other which set up what should have been Feely’s game-winner.

Gailey could have placed his confidence in the quarterback around whom he chose to build his offense. Or either of his kickers, the proven veteran or the rookie who is taking up a roster spot solely based on the strength of his leg.

But the purely offensive-minded coach who decided a little earlier to let a wide receiver fling the game into the Arizona sky made the craven choice to rely on a unit that played relatively well on this afternoon, immediately following two weeks of historic ineptitude.

Going outside to stand by a campfire and watch marshmallows flame could not have been an easier choice.

Of course, Jairus Byrd validated Gailey’s call by diving to snatch a ball that Skelton threw to no one in particular and returning it to Arizona’s 6-yard line, and Lindell mercifully saved his coach from any more tough choices.

When we came back into the house after about 20 minutes and saw the “60 Minutes” clock ticking in high definition, I figured Fitzgerald had gotten loose again, or Buffalo’s defense had reverted to form and found some other infuriating manner in which to cede the game.

So imagine the surprise when I called up ESPN.com and saw that the Cardinals, not the Bills, had finally found a way to lose. Buffalo 19, Arizona 16.

The right decision, they say, is the one that works. By that standard, and that standard alone, punting was the correct call.

A win is a win, goes another cliché. A team thrashed as thoroughly as Buffalo was the two previous weeks has any business calling any victory hollow or ugly. As a result, the Bills improbably find themselves 3-3 and somehow tied with the rest of the AFC East -- the same Patriots who eviscerated them in Orchard Park little more than two weeks ago, as well as the Jets and Dolphins who, like Buffalo, really are not fooling anyone.

After two weeks out west, the Bills come home to face Tennessee with that .500 record but -- thanks to their defensive fluctuations, their quarterback’s scattershot throws and their coach’s even more erratic decisions -- without anything approaching an identity.

WE WANT MARANGI MVP: Byrd put Buffalo in position to win with interceptions twice in the final 10 minutes of game time. The second time, the Bills managed to not screw it up.

FITZ’S FLINGS: Remember when Fitzgerald was possibly the league’s hottest quarterback, leading double-digit comebacks and outplaying guys like Tom Brady and Michael Vick? That epiphany ended only about a year ago, but it seems like a different lifetime. And a different quarterback.

After six games, Fitzpatrick has turned in two solid outings (Kansas City and Cleveland), one truly putrid afternoon (the Jets), two days bad enough to get most quarterbacks benched for cause (New England and San Francisco) and one shaky enough to make most coaches at least think about the possibility (Arizona).

That’s four below-close-to-average performances in six tries. Ryan Fitzpatrick is, at long last, Kelly Holcomb with a beard.

BRAINWASHING REPORT: As seen previously in this space, Oscar has fallen in love with MariOs, the cereal named for Buffalo’s highly paid, and previously under-productive, defensive end.

As we settled in to watch what I figured would be the end of the game, I pointed out Williams and told Oscar that he had delivered his best game yet with the Bills. As he reached into the bag of crunchy, sweet rings he had carried into the living room, I posed a question:

“Do you think the Bills are winning because you’re eating MariO’s?”

Oscar’s eyes widened as he chewed, pondering the possibility.

“Yes!” he said, before running to find his brother and inform him of the obvious cause-and-effect taking place.

“Thank you for introducing him to the irrational, superstitious part of being a fan,” Josselyn said, without much malice.

You’re welcome, Josselyn. You too, Oscar.