Sunday, September 25, 2016

Rex Honestly Answers Questions Not Asked

"Probably not real good," Rex Ryan said in answer to a question after Friday's walk-through in preparation for Buffalo's increasingly ominous-looking game against Arizona on Sunday.

He was talking about the likelihood of Sammy Watkins taking the field against the Cardinals after the wide receiver's already-balky foot got stepped on earlier in the week, causing him to miss each ensuing practice.

Given the state of his 0-2 football team, which managed to lose both a defensive struggle and an offensive shootout by identical six-point margins within a five-day span to open the season, Rex could have answered any number of questions using the same four words. Especially with the annual trip to New England, which is off to a 3-0 start without Tom Brady so much as strapping on his shoulder pads since August, looming a week after Arizona's visit.

Those four simple words are all Buffalo's beleaguered coach really needs to accurately assess most of his team's problems: "Probably not real good."

For example:

"What are the chances of upsetting a conference finalist if you couldn't beat the fucking New York Jets, even while scoring 31 points -- including two scoring passes of 70-yards-plus and a defensive touchdown, all in front of a raucous Thursday night crowd?"

"How do you expect your allegedly elite cornerbacks to look against Larry Fitzgerald and the Cardinals' other fast, rangy receivers after getting torched for more than 100 yards by two big Jets wideouts and nearly 100 by a third?"

"What's the possibility of your pass rush, one of your supposed areas of expertise, generating consistent pressure on Carson Palmer, as opposed to allowing him to calmly survey the field for most of the day?"

"What's your assessment of 'Bills Run Deep' as a franchise slogan?"

"How about as a football-related term that even makes sense to anyone but the marketing types who came up with it?"

"What kind of performance to you expect from Tyrod Taylor without Watkins (who was ruled out officially a few hours before game time) to target, or at least draw coverage away from your other, far lesser receivers?"

"What kind of outcome did you expect from repeatedly diving into the heart of New York's short-yardage run defense, especially when it barely worked the first time?"

"What kind of defensive game plan are you and your brother going to come up with?"

"Speaking of game plans, any chance your new offensive coordinator will be able to establish any sort of consistency beyond punting a lot and hoping Taylor can hit a long bomb once in a while?"

"How did you feel when you found out your bosses like to have meetings with your employees without you around, like the sessions reportedly held right before your old offensive coordinator got canned?"

"What sort of impact do you think that sort of thing has on your credibility with those employees?"

"How would you rate your team's chances of making the playoffs for the first time in so long that sportswriters are running out of comic comparisons to make?"

"How about the likelihood of just staying in the postseason race until the final week of the season for the first time since 2004?"

"At least until after Thanksgiving?"


"Thanks, Rex. One more question. What are the odds of you and your brother still having jobs when the playoffs start if you don't get this mess figured out in a hurry?"

(Note: You can follow @davidstaba on the Twitter, if you really want.)


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