'In Order To Save The Bills, They Must Be Destroyed Forever'

Writing about Buffalo and its professional football team in his annual preseason "Why Your Team Sucks" series on Deadspin, Drew Magary manages to wrap just about every regional insecurity into two paragraphs without invoking chicken wings or blizzards.

If you're from Buffalo, you're essentially from nowhere. You talk like a Midwesterner ("Hi, I'm fraaam Baaaffalow"), and yet you're located in the Northeast. You take pride in the Goo Goo Dolls, which no reasonable person should do.

There's plenty more fodder for manufactured outrage. So if you enjoy nothing more than getting offended by unfair attacks from people who Just Don’t Understand Buffalo, you can scream WHAT AN ASSHOLE WE HAVE OLD BUILDINGS AND A GROWING MEDICAL CAMPUS AND THE WATERFRONT IS NOT QUITE AS EASTERN BLOC AS IT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO WHY DIDN'T HE MENTION ANY OF THAT in the comments below.

The football stuff is pretty funny, and mostly dead-on, as well. Not to mention timely.

And now T-Jack is in town! Holy shit, Tarvaris Jackson is awful. The Bills are like the Salvation Army of terrible quarterbacks.

So if you have any sense of humor or perspective about Western New York or its football team, enjoy yourself. If you don't, start one of those completely insecure self-pity threads that spring up on local forums whenever anyone question the sacrosanct coolness of Buffalo (I'm looking at you, Buffalo Rising).

(Photo lifted without permission from nickmendola.com.)